How Your Shadow Sabotages Gratitude (And What to Do About It)
By Dr. Connie Zweig and Keila Shaheen
As we step into the season of gratitude, it’s worth pausing to ask: what keeps us from fully embracing it? If you’ve ever found yourself in the grips of a shadow character—the Victim, the Lonely One, the Addict, the Distancer, the Abused Child, the Perfectionist—you’ve likely felt the pull away from gratitude. When we are unconsciously identified with these shadow aspects of ourselves, the awareness of gratitude becomes blocked—not just for life’s joys but for the sheer gift of existence.
When the Victim overtakes us, we are blinded to any sense of abundance. Gratitude becomes a foreign concept, overshadowed by the narrative of unfairness and loss. The Perfectionist, on the other hand, insists that nothing is ever enough. There is always something to fix, improve, or achieve before we can feel thankful.
This Thanksgiving, Dr. Connie and I invite you to contemplate:
What shadow character might be blocking your awareness or felt sense of gratitude?
Is a part of you anticipating conflict with family, replaying old wounds, or bracing for discomfort?
Gratitude in the Darkness
Gratitude is not just a cognitive shift or a forced positivity. It’s a deeper awareness, one that can hold the complexity of light and dark. True gratitude doesn’t demand that we bypass our shadows. Instead, it invites us to include them, to acknowledge the growth and insight they bring.
Consider a moment when you gained a profound insight through your struggle with a shadow. Perhaps it was the clarity you gained through loneliness, or the resilience born from facing your inner Perfectionist. Can you pause to feel gratitude for that moment now? How does it feel to hold the difficulty and the gift in the same breath?
Moving from Struggles to Appreciations
This week, try shifting your attention from your struggles to your appreciations.
Not to bury the struggle, but to create space for both. Here are some reflections to guide you:
Identify Your Blockers: What shadow character routinely pulls you away from gratitude? Is it the Victim, the Perfectionist, or another archetype?
Hold the Complexity: How can you include the shadow in your gratitude practice? What growth or evolution has this shadow brought you?
Focus on Gratitude in This Season of Life: Gratitude evolves with age and experience. What are you grateful for at your current stage of life?
For example, in late life, gratitude for health and vitality often takes center stage, something that might have been overlooked in younger years. At other times, gratitude for relationships, talents, insights, or even moments of stillness might shine brightest.
A Practice of Sharing
Finally, consider expressing your gratitude to others. Have you told the people in your life that you are grateful for them? Have you shared your gratitude with your community? Gratitude, when spoken aloud, has the power to ripple outward, touching lives in ways we can’t always foresee.
This season, let’s not only hold space for the light but embrace the shadow as part of the human experience. For in that complexity, true gratitude is born—a gratitude that doesn’t shy away from the darkness but is illuminated by it.
We’d love to hear from you. What shadow is blocking your gratitude today? And what might happen if you allowed it to guide you to a deeper appreciation for your life? Let’s explore this together. Join our community group chat on Substack to engage directly with us, explore regular prompts and contemplations.
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